two weeks later... there's so much tension

empty-headed

i'm covered in weak spots

like chicken pox

yellow bellied and weak kneed

i stutter to get this out

i want to meet you here

everyday

come alive

what does that mean though?

i can't even look at these words i'm writing

do i believe what i'm saying anymore?

i don't know

i don't want to know

i need to know so badly

words can't describe the joy trapped in my heart

in my head

there's so much tension

so much back and forth

everything's alright

i'm dead inside

one foot in heaven

one in hell

broken, bleeding, deaf, and dumb

i can't put an ending on anything

i can't start anything to end

so many questions i know the answers to

so many answers i've heard before, again and again

clean, whole, content, sane

impotent artist

creative created creator

cuss

pray

smoke 

breathe

cry

smile

is this for you to hear?

or should i keep it all in?

what good could come of any of this?

kiss the wound

there is a balm in gilead to heal the sin-sick soul!

amen

amen

amen

go 

go

go

go

go away

come back

stay here with me tonight

i'll see you in the morning

nothing's sacred anymore

nothing is as beautiful as it should be

nothing is complete

here

no not here

up there yes

here 

not yet

soon?

i wish

soon i wish

soon i hope

i hope

hope

all i have is hope 

sometimes

time

no time

all the time in the world

spout off

unload

let loose

let it all hang out

come clean

the tension is here

the tension is here

how many lies have i given ground over to?

how much ground is left to give?

why can't what i want to come out come out?

now i'm falling 

no end in sight

i can't move into the next room

i'm pushing with all my might

i can't get past

oh LORD help me

give me a fellowship to walk with

identify what it is i'm missing

help me see

help me get through this bad dream

i want to get through this bad dream

i want to wake up

wake up

-k